**anon said i should do a gif of my favorite object and why**

So you’re probably thinking, ” Shes just going to say her guitar because music is her life” . Well if you were thinking that you’re correct.

But you could be more accurate.

The reason why i chose this is because of the following.

So i might as well just type my story here, not like anyone is going to read it but here we go.

I was born in a little town in England called ormskirk. Its about 20 min outside of London by train. I lived in the uk until i was about 3 years of age and then my mum decided she wanted to move back to her home town, which is california (where i am currently living). But at the same time my father did not want too leave. He loved England. His entire family lived all over europe. So my mother and father never got married, keep in mind. I was also not planned. When my mother found out she was pregnant with me she told me dad and he demanded she get an abortion. So to try and keep my father happy , she did. Well she tried. I am a survived abortion ladies and gentlemen. Now do not try and tell me “there is no such thing as a failed abortion” because when you walk into that clinic to get the abortion, they tell you that it is not 100% guaranteed that it will work. Anyway my mother tried getting the abortion but the doctors said i was a miracle baby, and that i was refusing to give up. 

So once my father and my mother found out i was refusing to be killed, my dad left my mother. (she also had my older sister Ashley who was 8 at the time from a previous marriage). So my mother and sister and i moved to california and lived in an apartment until i was about 7. Everything was perfect. I had friends, i did great in school, i was active outside every single day. Things could not have been better. 

But one weekend my mother and her best friend decided to go to Las Vegas for a ‘girls weekend out’ so my grandmother babysat me and my older sister. It was so much fun c: i remember jumping in my grandmas pool for the first time. Picture perfect life. 

But then my mother came home, with him. His name is Mark. My mother met him standing in line at a restaurant and said “they just clicked”. So once my mother got back with her new boyfriend we went back to our apartments and everything was cool for the next 3 days.

Then my mom sat both my sister and i down, and told us she loved this guy and that he would be in our lives alot, maybe even permanently.. At first i was so happy for my mother. She was smiling for the first time in so many years. So of course i was happy for my mother. Why wouldnt i have been? So my mother and mark only dated for about 4 months until they decided to get married. He was so sweet and just absolutely amazing to me and my mom and my older sister. Well thats what we thought .

Once they got married we moved into a house in a new city. I was forced to loose all my best friends and go to a new school ( which not to mention was a deaf and hearing school) which sucked. by this time i was 8 and i did not know how to make friends. It was hard. But i wanted my mommy to be happy so i told her i loved my school. Even though at the age of 8 years old every recess i would go in the bathroom and cry because i missed all my friends.

After about 3 weeks of being married my mothers husband , mark, started to show his true colors. (and now im crying as im writing this) That man would beat me until i was on the floor, in so much pain that i could not move. i remember the very first time he beat me. I was in charge of getting the groceries out of the car and getting my little brother inside the house (yea they had a kid) and my step dad, mark, told me that i had to make 2 separate trips because i had to hold my brothers hand while he walked. So i thought it was so fricking stupid that i had an entire hand empty while holding my brothers hand. So i got the groceries and my brothers hand at the same time and once i got inside mark was looking at me and said ” i thought i fucking told you to make two god damn trips you fat fucking ass!” and i replied “im sorry but my ankle has been bothering me so i didnt want to make two trips. Leave me alone!” . So during this entire thing my mother was taking a shower. Anyway mark was pissed. So he put my brother in his crib while he watched cartoons and then i was in the kitchen putting the groceries away. Mark came up to me and punched me (a now 9 year old) and i collapsed and fell on the floor. i started screaming and crying for mercy but nobody heard me because he closed all the windows and my mom was singing too loud in the shower to hear anything. Anyways once i was on the floor crying and bleeding from cutting my legs on the broken glass, he put on his tennis shoes and started kicking me unti i passed out.  He thought i was dead, So he pretended that i passed out from dehydration and told my mom and they called the ambulance. He was “visiting” me in the hospital one day and told me this ” i swear to fucking god rebekah, if you even think of telling your mother about actually happened, i will beat your fucking ass until you cannot breathe.” So i never told her. He just continuously kept beating me day after day after day. I just told my mom i kept falling off my bed. 

One day she found out and she decided to leave him after a bunch of confrontation and not having anywhere else to live.  So we left him and lived with my grandmother for 2 years. it was way to crowded because my mother also had a baby daughter with mark during this time spand. so it was me, mom , ryan, tiffany, grandma and grandpa living in a 2 bedroom house. It was tight but i didnt care, it was away from mark.

At the age of 11 years old i was diagnosed with severe clinical depression, ADD, ADHD and OCD. I felt like a freak. I hated myself. I never wanted to leave the house out of fear of not being good enough. I cried myself to sleep every single night. because i felt like absolutely nobody cares about me. I remember the exact date i first self harmed. And i regret every cut, every burn and every bruise. From then on i was depressed, suicidal, and had the WORST self confidence anyone has ever had. That all continued until i was about 14. Going in and out of mental hospitals and getting on and off of suicide watch. Life was such shit. I could not keep replaying everything that had happened to me with mark. It ruined my life.At 14 i found music. I was still depressed for about 2 months and everything was still going downhill. But the second- the absolute second i got headphones, i never took them out. i would listen to music 24/7 and if you think im kidding im not. I fell asleep to music, i took showers while listening to music- everything. i slowly started coming out of my depression shell. I started making new friends and everything was looking up.

I wasn’t depressed anymore. At 14 years old and 8 months i was finally happy again. I brought my grades up and everything slowly became alright again. my mom and siblings got our own apartment and now everything is perfect c: its been a long journy.

but the point of the matter is, music did save my life.

music did help me get through the absolute shittiest of times.

music is and always will be my life.

if i can make it through all of that shit, then you sure as fucking can too. i fucking believe in you.

every single thing. absolutely every single problem your little mind is troubled with, will soon wither away with something good. I can promise you that. Life will get better. because you deserve better. 

i love you and if you’re going through a hard time

message me. i will ALWAYS be here for you.